14 Tinder Horror Stories That Will Make You Throw Your Phone At The Wall
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
I went on three dates with a guy I met on Tinder before we decided to go away for the weekend. He seemed nice enough: great job, well dressed, educated...until we were on our way up to the vacation destination... and he starts crying and explaining he had been in prison for the past 11 years...and then asked if I wanted to meet his parents on the way there. We still dated for two months. I'm not proud of this.
One time I was matched with this Army guy. One week of messaging and he told me about all the wet dreams he had about me and that he loved me.
I went on a date with a guy from Tinder and as we were eating, he told me about his visit to the doctor that day… I listened sympathetically as he told me how he "regularly produced massive stools" due to him being a vegetarian, making tears in his "tiny anus," which he had to put cream on. Needless to say I didn't date him again!
I'm Indian, and there's a South Indian dish called masala dosa, which is basically a flat pancake of rice batter with a filling inside it. The dosa is rolled up after the masala is placed inside. This British guy got matched with me and said, "This is my last night in India, I want to put my masala in your dosa."
I went on a date with a guy from Tinder. I quickly realised he wasn't my type but decided to just go with it for a while. Half an hour into the date, he asked me if I wanted to do tequila shots. I left early. A week later, he sent flowers to my work with a cheesy poem confessing his love for me. I worked in a coffee shop in the middle of a busy shopping centre. I never even took them home – I was that embarrassed. Never spoke to him again.
One guy straight-up asked me if I wanted a threesome (without so much as a "hi") and he already had another chick lined up who was Scottish, blonde, size 18 with DD breasts. Another one told me he was on Tinder for some 'deep dicking'.
I'm slightly on the large side, and I don't try to hide it. So I was talking to a nice guy on Tinder and we hit it off straight away. We met up at a bar, he saw me and the first words he said to me were, 'Oh, I didn't know you were fat.' So I turned around and walked out.
Went on a date with a guy. He seemed nice enough. Met up a few days later at my place to have a TV marathon. We had the sexy time. (It had been quiet a few months since I had last had the sexy time.)He started humping my foot while going down on me. I had to tell him to stop. He keep humping my foot and pretended he wasn't. I ended up flipping him over and jumping on top until I was done. I made him jack himself off to finish.He kept trying to meet up again even after I said I wasn't interested. He finally got it when he messaged asking what he did wrong and my reply was 'YOU HUMPED MY FEET!!!'
En route to the Worst Date Ever, this guy texted me from the burrito place we were meeting, to tell me he'd already ordered me the salad. I repeat: SALAD. At a burrito place. Also, was this the past? Was I now incapable of placing my own food order? Anyway… After arriving – with my salad ready, beside his plate of tacos – he spent the next half an hour telling me about his model ex-girlfriend and how passionate their 'breakup sex' had been…last weekend. The final straw was – even after telling him I wasn't a big fan of smoking – he literally asked a stranger for cigarettes and then chain smoked them beside me.
I started talking to this really sweet guy for about two weeks and things were going well. Then I started getting calls from this girl, who he claimed was his crazy roommate that was in love with him and kept trying to get him fired from jobs. Turns out, she wasn't the one lying, she was actually his live-in girlfriend, and they had moved here together from a different state. Apparently he wasn't actually a citizen, and was trying to obtain papers. Thanks, Tinder.
On our fourth date we went back to his place to watch football. We were on the couch and cuddling; he had his arm around me. He must have been disappointed that I was actually watching the football, because I looked over my shoulder and he was on Tinder literally behind my back looking for his next date. Then asked me when I wanted to see him again.
My wife's friend showed me a guy she was chatting to who randomly sent her a picture of his dick with a measuring tape next to it.
Opening line: 'Wanna fuck sugar tits?'
My worst is just getting stood up. I'd sent her a message before I left to let her know I was running a few minutes late. Got to the bar and pulled out my phone to see that she'd unmatched me. After reading other people's experiences, it doesn't sound so bad. And the bar had an excellent beer selection.