These Are 15 Of The Craziest Things That Animals Do To Get Laid
"But all is not chocolates and roses in the world of animal courtship."
Looking for a unique Valentine's gift? Why not take some inspiration from the animal kingdom's weird and wonderful mating rituals.
"Gift-giving is not unique to humans. Many animals give what biologists refer to as 'nuptial gifts' to their prospective mates," Jonathan Balcombe, Ph.D., the director for animal sentience with the Humane Society Institute, told BuzzFeed over email.
1. Take your date out to a nice dinner.
2. But not to McDonald's. Instead, treat them to something fancy like steak and kebabs.
3. Use pretty wrapping paper, like Hallmark, instead of cheap newspaper.
4. How about a relaxing back rub?
5. Bring your date flowers.
6. Buy a mansion.
7. Get your date a fur coat or some ivory tusks.
8. If you're poor, just put some trash or a carcass in a Manolo Blahnik gift bag.
9. If you're hot, you don't need to buy your date anything.
10. How about some cyanide?
11. Why don't you piss on your date?
12. Vomit and poop are romantic.
13. Blood is sexy.
14. Cutting off your arms and legs is fun.
15. If everything else fails, build a cum castle. A CUM CASTLE!
Please don't take any of this advice seriously.