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1.A hand-painted decor box that'll compliment everyone who uses your toilet and cause *them* to compliment *you* on your spiffy storage skills in return.
3.A silly ceramic planter so earily adorable we're sure everyone is gonna love it with every rabbit of their heart.
4.A massive wristwatch wall clock that may seem a *tad* extra, but artistic extravagance is in — you're sure to be complimented on it ~time~ and ~time~ again.
5.A sweatshirt for those of us with a grim sense of humor and fantastic fashion sense. The people on par with your fashion-savvy self will compliment this all day. The others, ironically, may just ~ghost~ you.
6.A fruit tart cat bed with removable fruits and a cushioned crust that'll delight your pet sitters so much they just might think watching your kitto is easy as pie.
7.A windshield sun shade – it's gonna protect your upholstery and help you get to know your neighbors — ~eye~ don't think you're gonna be able to get in your car without someone complimenting your sweet ride ever again.
8.An emoji cookie baking set for home chefs who want everyone to see the love (and laughs and tears) that went into their baking. Let's pretend that poop emoji isn't a part of the kit for the sake of this cute imagery.
9.An adjustable desk lamp so you can brighten up any room in your home with a little bit of humor everyone can appreciate.
10.A toilet paper holder for anyone who isn't ~sheepish~ about combining hilarious decor with useful storage solutions and wants their baaaathroom looking its best.
11.A printed dish towel with wise words from The Barefoot Contessa herself. Ina Garten fans are sure to chuckle and admire this whenever they step foot in your kitchen.
12.A Patrick Star Airpod cover so your headphones stay protected while you listen to "Sweet Victory" on repeat... all day long.
13.A sequin accent chair — this is sure to make your kids absolutely beside themselves with joy when they see it, which is a compliment you shouldn't take lightly. Kids are the toughest critics. That's a fact.
15.A removable wall decal that'll show off your creative side in a way even minimalists will applaud.
16.A kitchen utensil for people who are real ~whisk~ takers in the kitchen and want some adorably drool-worthy tools to help show off their skills.
17.A pet stroller so you can take your injured, aging, or skittish pet out on a walk and let them enjoy the fresh air, while those around you can enjoy how cute your critter looks rolling around.
18.A Dammit Doll – it's gonna look fun on your sofa *and* be a useful way to relieve stress during football season — your friends are gonna admire your pre-game preparation.
19.An activated charcoal teeth whitening powder that'll get your teeth so shiny white everyone will compliment them, even if actually watching you brush with this stuff would be rather... dark.
20.A First Kiss candle created with aromas sure to remind you of your first kiss (even if they left out the smell of braces and acne cream) that's also sure to delight everyone who gets a whiff.
21.A Peppa crossbody for adults who know how to sport some cross-generational accessories everyone will love.
22.A dog umbrella that'll convince Winston to go to the bathroom even when it's raining *ugh* cats and dogs outside. Your neighbors will all be complimenting your pet's strange accessory game when they can't convince their pooch to do their business in bad weather.
23.A graphic tee for giving everyone around you some unsolicited advice they actually *do* want.
25.A camouflage cookout apron, with a sliiightly excessive amount of pockets, that's sure to delight all the BBQ enthusiasts on your block.
26.A toilet nightlight that'll make your bathroom look like something inside the space station, while also being super convenient when guests don't know their way around your place at night.
27.A sprout bookmark you can use to hold your place or hold your pages down. This may seem like a silly purchase, but it can grow on you more and more with every compliment you get from other avid readers.
28.A book of 30 punny postcards for people who know receiving snail mail feels special, no matter how many dad jokes are inside. And hey, at least we know your dad will love it!
29.A bath mat to keep your floor as dry as your humor and have people complimenting your egg-celent choice in bathroom accessories.
30.A freehand temporary tattoo kit, because it’ll give you an excuse to say “you made me iiiiink” a la Finding Nemo while your friends praise you for being responsible about your tattoo-obsession.
31.And an honest doormat your guests are sure to appreciate when this reminds them exactly what they are in for before knocking on the door.
Actual footage of my paycheck slipping through my fingers after reading this post: