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3.A set of 12 penis lipsticks perfect for bachelorette parties... or giving to the friend who always borrows your lipsticks and "forgets" to give them back.
4.A screaming goat figurine that'll help you release some stress (and make every head turn in your direction). Just press the button on the stump he stands on to hear those bleats that can't be beat.
5.A cheeky baby book for scientists in the making that'll entertain tiny tots and adults alike — and make the other parents in your circle slowly blink in shock at your amazing at-home early education.
6.A pack of anatomical pens that'll ~no bones about it~ freak people out when they ask to borrow a writing utensil.
7.A hilarious (and actually useful) post–zombie apocalypse survival guide, including over 80 recipes, food scavenging tips, and illustrated guides on living in the wilderness, whether the undead are after you (and your tasty brain) or not. Be prepared for bookshelf-browsers to have some questions.
8.A 2'x3' print that'll really speak for itself when it comes to your interior design taste. So seductive.
9.A pair of hairy-good slippers you're basically contractually obligated to wear while binge watching the whole extended edition of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. See how long it takes for someone to notice you're wearing them.
10.A creative journal chock-full of prompts and activities designed to spark your creativity and bring out your inner...well...weirdo. This makes a great gift, even if you get a strange look when it's first unwrapped.
11.A dainty wire ring, so when someone grabs your hand to get a closer look at "aww your pretty ring!", they realize you're not playing games here.
13.A surprisingly thick and soft tortilla blanket so you can wrap yourself up like the couch burrito you were always meant to be — and surprise the delivery guy with your new look.
14.A deep-cleansing, 24K gold–infused mask that'll change colors ~right before your eyes~ from gold to white as it dries on your skin, clearing out pores, removing dead skin cells, and refining your skin's texture.
15.A plush dog toy shaped like a beer bottle (or wine, tequila, vodka, etc.) sure to make you wonder for a second if your ~booze hound~ has been raiding your liquor cabinet.
16.A reversible sequin pillow you can run your hands over to reveal the hidden face beneath. "Why do I have a Nic Cage pillow? The question is why DON'T you have a Nic Cage pillow, Deborah!"
17.A king cube–size skull ice mold that'll make people suddenly look down and wonder if their glass is filled with scotch... or *actual* poison.
18.A sheet mask — FOR YOUR BUTT, because why should your face have all the fun? It'll moisturize and tone (hello aloe and chamomile), with one sheet for each cheek. 🍑
19.An eraser you're ~van Gogh-ing~ to love — especially when it makes all your sketching 101 classmates whisper to each other "....is that an ear?"
20.A trio of flasks masquerading as beauty product tubes that *might* make people wonder why you're surreptitiously pouring moisturizer into your cup.
21.Six (SIX!) pairs of sweary socks you can point to when someone asks a bothersome question or otherwise interrupts you. They'll read 'em once... read 'em twice... then make like a tree and LEAVE.
22.An extra large porcelain mug ideal for any potty mouths of your acquaintance. For best results, sip out of it while maintaining eye contact.
24.A shower curtain that'll truly be ~smashing~ when your guests trip over their feet when they walk into your bathroom. And then do *another* double take when they see that all the sea creatures on the borders *also* have Nigel Thornberry faces.
25.And a Tom Ford perfume with a name to ~flatter your vanity~ literally and figuratively. And idk what will make you take more of a double take: the name or the price.
Careful with that whiplash now.
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