36 Thoughts A Non-Cricket Fan Has During A Cricket Match
Nothing is happening. Nothing is happening. Nothing is happening. EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING.
1. Oh, okay, cool. A cricket match has started.
2. I'd have never found out had it not been for literally every TV channel.
3. You know what? I'll watch this today.
4. I mean it's the World Cup and our national team IS playing after all.
5. Hmm. They're all scratching themselves.
6. Okay, they've just been squinting and scratching themselves in awkward regions for five minutes.
7. I think I'll go get a snack from the kitchen; this looks tedious.
8. *checks Twitter in the kitchen* Why is everyone tweeting "AFRIIIIDIIIIIIIIIIII"?!
9. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Did he hit a six? Is he out? WHAT.
10. *rushes to the telly* But…Nothing happened?
11. Oh my god, he walked in. Afridi only fucking walked into the pitch; that was it. Fuck.
12. Who is even playing now? Wow, I keep losing track.
13. I wonder how that grumpy looking umpire is even escaping those hits. Bet I'd have a black eye if I was him.
14. WHY ARE THE PLAYERS SCREAMING ALL OF A SUDDEN?
15. I was looking this time and I still don't get it. Nothing even happened.
16. Wow, this is…This is going to take time. I should just go pee.
17. Aaaaand suddenly two players are out, nice.
18. I took 4 minutes. I missed the only thrilling part so far. In four fucking minutes.
19. OMG WTF another guy got out, WTF is going on here?!
20. We're going to lose.
21. Why did I even bother? I'm turning this shit off.
22. Oh wait, phew. That was just a replay. Almost lost my shit.
23. Their fucking multicoloured tropical bug glasses are killing me.
24. OW. SHIT. That catch had the fielder grazing the hell out of his elbows on the grass.
25. Owwie owwie, that must have hurt. But he's all normal.
26. The commentator just said "that was hotly bowled." What the fuck is "hotly bowled"?
27. And why must he say "what a beautyyyy" after everything? What IS this guy's vocab.
28. What does "HAOUZTHAAAAT" even mean? What's the context?
29. Apparently someone has hit a beamer, whatever that is. I don't get half of this language.
30. Damn, so much hate on Twitter for us seasonal cricket watchers.
31. Some people are not into cricket, especially all year round; get over it.
32. I'm obviously not made to enjoy this immensely.
33. Quite happy as someone who bleeds red, unlike these cheerleading smurf friends of mine who #bleedgreen, #bleedblue and #bleedgreyishfuckinglilac.
34. Not even that mad about cancelling those match screening plans with my friends.
35. This is too much pressure anyway.
35. I'm just going to sleep because I'll wake up to find out who won.
36. Right after I PRAY THIS GUY HITS A SIX, COME ON, GOD, IF YOU'RE THERE MAKE US WIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEEE-HE-HE-HEEASE.