Skip To Content

    24 Things Your Parents Did That Guaranteed You Never Got A Date

    Mom and dad should have known better.

    1. Your parents were obviously the ones who insisted you use a rolling bookbag:

    2. They didn't say anything when you replaced all of your pants with JNCO jeans:

    Via imgur.com

    Perfect for those of us with no ass and massive thighs.

    3. They lied to you when they said you looked good on photo day:

    Via imgur.com

    And you had to live with the consequences.

    4. They let you wear Dragon Ball Z button-up shirts to school:

    Via etsy.com

    We all know guys who still wear these shirts. They are still dateless.

    5. Or Looney Tunes sweatshirts:

    Via surfacescan.blogspot.com

    Because why the hell not?

    6. Your mom came to your games and was a little too enthusiastic:

    Via giphy.com

    MOM I NEED MY CRUSH TO COME HUG ME WHEN I SCORE A GOAL NOT YOU.

    7. They lent out old fedoras and trench coats, because they thought they made you look handsome:

    iStockphoto Peter Finnie / Via Getty Images

    They didn't.

    8. Your mom let you do your own makeup so you could try to look as glamorous as this:

    Vince Bucci / Via AFP / Getty Images

    Even Christina is kinda struggling to pull it off, so how could you? NO DATES.

    9. They didn't unpop both of your collars before you walked out the door:

    Via imgur.com

    Or take off your extra polo, for that matter.

    10. They gave you a bowl cut:

    Via imgur.com

    Because it was both convenient and stylish!

    11. Or frosted tips:

    Chris Weeks / Via Getty Images

    OK, so this one may have gotten you dates because the '90s were a freakish hell, but IT SHOULDN't HAVE.

    12. Or a middle part:

    Via starcasm.net

    Guilty as charged.

    13. They sometimes chaperoned dances and made grinding a literal hell:

    Via imgur.com

    How am I supposed to get my grind on with those daggers on me, MOM?

    14. They said boys would think your unibrow was cute:

    15. They didn't teach you to shave right away, so you had a rat-stache:

    FAMEFLYNET PICTURES
    FAMEFLYNET PICTURES

    AKA a crustache or pube-stache.

    16. They suggested you get transition lenses, because it's like a free pair of sunglasses:

    17. They didn't care you had no talent when you entered talent shows:

    Via imgur.com

    It's a Spice World out there.

    18. They let you start a band in middle school, even though you didn't know how to play instruments:

    Via imgur.com

    Yeah, you definitely thought this made you sexy.

    19. Your parents kissed you good-bye way too aggressively in front of your friends:

    Matt Slocum / Via AP

    You realize now that this was understandable, but it was still embarrassing.

    20. They insisted you join a robotics or math club:

    Via imgur.com

    This did, however, pay literal dividends in the end.

    21. They made you get braces, but also gave you cornrows??

    Via imgur.com

    Because that made sense.

    22. They bought you Pokémon cards and let you bring them to school:

    Via i.imgur.com

    Your Charizard card was promptly stolen, as well as your heart.

    23. They gave you leftovers instead of Lunchables:

    ABC / Via youtube.com

    This hit us immigrant kids especially hard, but c'mon, our food was way more delicious.

    24. And if by some miracle somebody was digging your style, your parents found a way to scare the living hell out of them:

    Via imgur.com

    "BACK AT HOME BEFORE 6 P.M. TODAY, YOUNG MAN, AND CALL ME EVERY HALF HOUR SO I KNOW SHE'S SAFE."

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form